back at center

Remember that you will not be defined by supposed successes. 

The loss (or acquisition) of this job does not have to dictate how you live your life, feel about yourself,  or interact with others.

You feared that looking for a job in DC would catalyze an anxiety that you could not out maneuver.  It has happened and you feel thin, vulnerable, and exposed.  For more than a week you have been off track.  You feel disconnected from who you are and what you know, overrun with insecurity.

But let this provide some perspective: the experience that you are having now, waiting to hear about the job, is unavoidable.  If you are to be a successful job searcher, you have to survive the application process.  And it is not without trial.

It is complicated, though, when the boom of getting a job seems to intertwine with the ability to lease an apartment and set a wedding date.  Each day that passes is advancement into the wilderness of anxiety, the scope of which appears so vast.  With every new morning you feel less hopeful about the victory of candidacy, trying to forget the positive repercussions it could have had on your life and the one you want to have with Joe. 

Today, though, you are prepared to release the expectation and anticipation, to accept that the hiring decision is out of your control.  Anxiety is resistance to what is and you are ready to give it up.


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