Engaged I am a part of something.
A deeper connection to Joe, our lives intertwine into a tighter weave. Each day I recognize it more and more. I unwrap old bank statements and pay stubs to consider a new filing system, one that includes a station for Joe. Standing in the doorway of the closet I inspect, with pursed lips, the disorganization in front of me and contemplate how to free up space by consolidating our differences.
It’s Problem Solving 101. Coordinate so that everything relevant has its place. We need to preserve our individual preferences and allow for the spaciousness of growth. The challenge is both puzzling and invigorating.
I am part of a collective now. Joe and I joined legions of others who choose to dedicate their lives to the commitment of unity. Escorted by a new familial bond is an inspiring notion of hope, faith, and perseverance. It is the dawning of a new chapter of life. The realization of which causes me to exhale in relief. Episodes of hardship and struggle punctuated the last few years and I am comforted to know that aspects of that are behind me. They have to be. Not because I want them to be, but because by whole-heartedly accepting a marriage proposal, I showed myself that I no longer want to do “this” on my own. I want to stand by a man, hold hands with him, and know that I am buttressed by a kind and gentle spirit.
Now I better understand the bravery that it takes to look at someone and know that they see your soul. I understand the courage it takes to walk forward into, what can be, a hard world, relying largely on the consistency of that tender support. This comes with streaks of fear, but I am depending on the fortification of an unseen foundation. On faith I take steps forward.
I am more connected with life.