About the Chronic Curiosity

After yesterday’s post some may ask, “Why do you let applying for jobs take so much energy and effort?

It’s a fair question.  One that has been asked of me, repeatedly, about any number of tasks.  I’ve not always been able to give an answer, but I now think that I’m prepared to make an attempt.

I don’t struggle with almost-existential questions because it’s how I like to spend free moments.  I do it because there are times when I sit down to accomplish something run of the mill, like apply for a job, and even the anticipation triggers these deeply imbedded anxieties.  It is actually impossible for me to focus my thoughts on applying for a job because mental distractions send me down all sorts of other paths.

I do get frustrated with this chronic, relentless curiosity.  There is a part of me that recognizes that all the question asking is a painstaking way to filter life.  The irony, though, is that when I do this…when I pull the rope on the thoughts and follow them to their core, a sensation of massaged relief ensues.  It’s not always easy, but trailing the questions feels better than avoidance.

To me it’s worth the effort.  It’s worth the experience that follows, the ability to engage in an activity — even applying for a job — with a clear mind and focused energy.


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