Yesterday I mentioned that I am digging into Women Food and God by Geneen Roth, but that for my own purposes I’m reading it as if the title were Women WORK and God. It talks a lot about compulsion. Because after all, what is overeating if not the manifestation of an obsessive behavior. (Or in my case staying underemployed.)
This morning I made some real-life associations regarding the impetus of an obsession. And since I organize my thoughts by writing them out, I will share my morning timeline and emotional arc.
Get up at 5:15 am for 8 hours of work. Not a big deal.
Breakfast, coffee, commute. Not a big deal.
Clock in, morning greetings. Not a big deal.
Colleague attitude. Complete distaste.
Preparation for task. Indifference due to distaste.
Mentally trump up colleague attitude. Distaste deepened to disdain.
Totally mundane comment from same colleague. Complete commitment to the idea that I should be superior to her because I’m not acting that way.
Out loud, at least.
What a Piece of Work I was being. A total Diva, if only in my thoughts.
But the uninterrupted line of thinking continued to endorse and authorize itself.
Compulsive thoughts take seed. Repetitive behaviors follow. They help soothe the compulsion.
Part of the task is to catch the developing thought and nip it in the bud.
Geneen Roth said it first. I’m just offering an Amen.