Waiting

Last week I made one — possibly major — error in strategy.

Eventually, it’s bound to happen.  Particularly if you choose to live haphazardly, like I have the past 2.5 years, shuffling through 5 states and almost as many jobs.  Permanent commitments, lease dates, and opportunities to travel compete for priority, attention, and resources.  And every so often, there is a week or two of pure chaos where it seems like there are decisions to be made on all fronts.

One decision tends to impact all the others.

And since I have a streak of overachievement, I choose to believe that everything that I want to do can be done.  Apparent logistics be damned! 

It puts a lot of pressure on me to feel like I’ve maximized my resources.

And last week — because I was in a frenzy — I prematurely rushed into action, which jeopardized the efficiency of two major resources: time and money.

How very frustrating.

Every morning since Thursday I’ve wanted to kick myself for my hurriedness.  Intellectually, I know that my misstep is not a Big Deal.  No one died, no one fell ill.  But when my capacity for peak efficiency is threatened, an insecurity is triggered.  One that involves an irrational belief that I am not resourceful enough, good enough, or patient enough.

So the last 4 days have been an exercise in simultaneously neutralizing my insecurity and not letting it wreck my day.  It’s been tedious…like waiting for something I anticipate…and I’ve wanted to fight every minute of it…but in the long run it’s probably worth it.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s