Eye Rolling is Allowed

I like where I am now, but I wish I had gotten here two years ago.  

I know.  I’ve heard it too, “You can’t change the past, so there is no use dwelling.”  (I’m rolling my eyes at how overused the sentiment is.)

But I think it’s behoove of me to scratch past the veneer of that advice.  Because I think that if I can articulate why I feel like I showed up at the boat dock two years too late, I’ll gain some sort of insight. 

To what?…I’m not really sure.

But I think I’ll get some.

So here it goes:

Why I Feel Like I Missed the Boat (By Two Years)

Two years ago I was in the early months of what I now put under the heading of “sustained unemployment”.  In Stage 1 it’s permissible to undulate between applying for jobs and bouncing ideas off of people over coffee, and oversleeping.  Because in those early months, I was still pretty certain that the perfect opportunity was going to fall in my lap.  With only a little work from me.  (You can roll your eyes.  I am.  It’s nauseating arrogant and egotistical to type, much less read.)

At that time I had a pretty good contact list of friends and former colleagues who wanted to offer goodwill and assistance.  (Get ready to roll your eyes again.)  But I didn’t take use of the offers because nothing sounded like something that I was willing to do.  I may — and I emphasize may because I’m not sure how strongly this actually came across — have believed that I was too good for a few of the positions because they would have required extended training or a few months in an entry level role. (So embarrassing.)

At the time I lacked a realistic idea of where I was in the employment pecking order and a direction towards which I wanted to head.  And now I wish that I could rewind two years so that those components could converge with — what was — a really viable contact list.

I probably would have been a lot more gracious and humble.

Secondly, I feel like I’m about two years too late on this blogging thing.    I would have liked to be on the front end of this venture because it’s an avenue that allows so much freedom and creativity.  But, at times, it feels like an overused platform and I wonder if anything that I say or do here can have an impact because it’s so ubiquitous.  What if I just get lost in the rubble?

Two years ago, when a blog was more of a frontier and unemployment wasn’t such an everyday topic, I wonder if I would have had more relevance.

I do think that it’s important to study these feelings and discover some commonalities in unpreparedness.  I hope that it helps ensure that I’m better equipped to catch the next boat, or train, or airplane, or tuk-tuk…or tandem bike…

  because I don’t want it to be all for naught.


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