A Swan Dive

Tomorrow is the much anticipated, big day.  It is the day that I officially move to Raleigh. 

I know.  I’ve been talking about it long enough.  But I can’t help it, I’m like Tom Carraway.  The narrator-character in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby  who is described as “full of interior rules that act as brakes on my desires”.  I take a few steps of preparation and then wait to see how I feel about the direction I’m heading.  I do this until I reach the point of feeling like I’m procrastinating (which is, of course, a diminishing return) and then dive in.

And now…it’s time to dive.  Because I’m nervous, this is likely going to be a standard forward dive.  Focused and to the point.

I have the start of a three part career plan, a to-do list for Wednesday, and a grocery list.

A grocery list?

Yes.  It sounds kind of silly, but I was talking with my cousin the other day and uncovered this lapse in my plan.  When I get to a new place, I immediately get amnesia.  With all the new sights and sounds, I become overwhelmed.  Everything appears glittery and all of a sudden I can’t remember my name or what I eat for breakfast.  In previous moves this has not been such huge obstacle because I moved for a job; before long, I’d be on enough of a routine that I at least would remember to leave the house.  (Another symptom of the Bright and Shiny Effect is that I sometimes get so paralyzed by all the newness that don’t know what to do next, or first, so I end up doing nothing.)

There is no room for that in this move.  For one, I don’t have a job to act as the anchor of my routine.  In the first few days, my success is largely going to measured in small accomplishments.  Have I eaten breakfast?  Did I go for a run and do yoga?  Have I gotten in the car and set out to explore a new area?  These might seem like silly questions and low standards of success, but it’s a starting point.  And that’s all I need right now.

*I don’t really get amnesia, but I do become disoriented and forgetful.  And while I don’t barricade myself in the house, I do rely more on the encouragement of others to get out and explore a new place.  I tend to depend on their understanding of an area.  This time, I’m interested in equally seeking out what I want to find and not just what finds me.


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