I thought that coming down here would be a good decision. But right now it doesn’t feel good. I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and nervous. And I’m homesick.
This is something that I didn’t anticipate.
For a long time, I fought against the urge to leave D.C. and now that I’m one step closer to officially doing it, I am engulfed in doubt over the decision. And that’s embarrassing to admit.
I thought that I would feel immediate relief. I think I thought that if I could just get out of D.C. the sky would open up and troves of answers would fall down on me. I know that is silly. But things in D.C. almost slowed to a hault and I think I thought that if I could just get to a new place, a valve would open.
Obviously, I was feeling kind of flustered earlier. I was feeling like I’d made the wrong decision. I’m often impatient. When I make a decision, I expect the flow of life to rise up to meet the decision. I expect it to happen N.O.W. This is kind of a ridiculous expectation. I know that. But it’s a conditioned response. And I’m trying to bring awareness to the irrational impatience so that it diminishes.
I have learned that when I start to mire in negativity it is imperative that I distract myself somehow. Yoga used to be the distraction. One of my first blog posts focused on my struggle to submit to a healthy coping mechanism. Yoga is still a part of my routine, but its function is different.
So today I took some pictures. I’m no photographer, but it’s a budding hobby and I’d like to indulge it. So these pictures are some of the ones that I took today…I’m going to keep trying, so we’ll see what takes.