Stop the Fester

I wrote this in my journal this morning:

I feel quite a bit of anxiety today.  And I think that it has been building for a little while.

I can see things that I want to accomplish and I want to hurry up and get there.  But at the same time, I know that there is a fullness of time for things and I don’t want to rush what cannot be hurried.  This gap, though, creates a mix in me that turns into anxiety.

I thought that when I readjusted my schedule to make room for the writing project, I would immediately fill the open hours with work product.  I’d get up at the same time and start to tackle the assignment, but that has not been the case.  This week, the morning free time has given space for anxiety to rise.

And today when I recognized the familiar brick of anxiety, my mind said, “Oh, here it is again to steal your direction and replace enthusiasm with doubt.”

But I tried not to fear it this morning.

I did some yoga.

I ate some breakfast.

I sat down to tell you that I’m feeling anxious, but neutral of judgement.  It doesn’t mean that I’m not doing well or that I’m on the wrong track.  It just means that I’m feeling the difference between where I am and where I want to be.

And oddly enough, I feel like this is a positive; it is good to let a little anxiety leak out.

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