Crumbling Arenas

This is the thing about my part-time, temporary job:  it is part-time and temporary.  I repeat both of those things to emphasize them for my own benefit.  Because when I say part-time, temporary job, my mind registers “job” as though it is bold and underlined, but “part-time” and “temporary” as if they were written in tiny font.  I need to even out the type.

I was told once that I saw things in black and white, but that there was a lot of grey matter in life.  At the time, I didn’t get it.  I thought things either happened or they didn’t.  There were no degrees of relationships and commitments; I either stood by them or didn’t.  And while I started to slowly erode the black and white contrast in some areas of my life, the employment arena remains one where the structure is still concrete.

I mean really, you either have a job or your don’t.  Right?


When I think of a job I think: pressure, long days, drained energy, full-time (which could mean 12 hour days), salaried, suits, cubicle, florescent lighting, no flexibility or freedom. 

If it’s death or 40 years at a desk, I seriously might choose to stand with the executioner.  Because in my mind there is no satisfying job and fulfilling personal life.  One always comes at the expense of the other.  A total black and white way to think.

Then I got this part-time, temporary job and I’m starting to realize that there is a whole other spectrum to the working world.  My arrival time is flexible, I can work at pace that is sustainable, no one expects me to stay late, I eat lunch when I’m hungry and not when my meeting schedule allows.  (Data entry and phone calls don’t really require an agenda.)  I don’t feel crushed by the expectations of the people or the environment around me.  I feel guilty even for having this…opportunity…to move slow and light.  Because I have a JOB  and previous experience indicates I am not supposed to be enjoying anything (or not much).

Realistically, I understand that full-time employment (even with a great company in my dream industry) probably won’t have all the perks of my current gig.  But right now, I can try to fully reap the benefits of having an evenly typed part-time, temporary job.



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3 responses to “Crumbling Arenas

  1. AOD

    Someone should pay you to write….I was going to say, “You should become a writer,” but you clearly already are one — and a damn fine one, at that!

    I am, the anti-blog, but this is good shit, Emily — good shit!

    And there is nothing wrong with wearing black all day, every day!!

  2. Lindsey Crowe

    I echo AOD with the “good shit” comment. Dad also told me the same thing about “seeing only in black and white”. However, the gray stuff ain’t that great. Just adds fussiness. On the days drawing close to the day marking Jarrett’s “removal from office” so to speak, I think back. It has been almost one year ago and WE SURVIVED!! and are now doing just fine. As will you my dear…as will you.

    • emcritt

      Lindsey, I am loving that you dig the blog! I hear you on the grey part, but I’m starting to get more comfortable with it. Honestly, I have more curiosity about where I end up than I do doubts about surviving! (Don’t tell anyone, but I’m kind of having fun…)

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