This is the thing about my part-time, temporary job: it is part-time and temporary. I repeat both of those things to emphasize them for my own benefit. Because when I say part-time, temporary job, my mind registers “job” as though it is bold and underlined, but “part-time” and “temporary” as if they were written in tiny font. I need to even out the type.
I was told once that I saw things in black and white, but that there was a lot of grey matter in life. At the time, I didn’t get it. I thought things either happened or they didn’t. There were no degrees of relationships and commitments; I either stood by them or didn’t. And while I started to slowly erode the black and white contrast in some areas of my life, the employment arena remains one where the structure is still concrete.
I mean really, you either have a job or your don’t. Right?
When I think of a job I think: pressure, long days, drained energy, full-time (which could mean 12 hour days), salaried, suits, cubicle, florescent lighting, no flexibility or freedom.
If it’s death or 40 years at a desk, I seriously might choose to stand with the executioner. Because in my mind there is no satisfying job and fulfilling personal life. One always comes at the expense of the other. A total black and white way to think.
Then I got this part-time, temporary job and I’m starting to realize that there is a whole other spectrum to the working world. My arrival time is flexible, I can work at pace that is sustainable, no one expects me to stay late, I eat lunch when I’m hungry and not when my meeting schedule allows. (Data entry and phone calls don’t really require an agenda.) I don’t feel crushed by the expectations of the people or the environment around me. I feel guilty even for having this…opportunity…to move slow and light. Because I have a JOB and previous experience indicates I am not supposed to be enjoying anything (or not much).
Realistically, I understand that full-time employment (even with a great company in my dream industry) probably won’t have all the perks of my current gig. But right now, I can try to fully reap the benefits of having an evenly typed part-time, temporary job.