Stirring

Sometimes I get “in a stir.”  It may also be called “panic” but I prefer “in a stir.”  Linguistically, it just sounds less spastic.  And when I’m in a stir I have a hard time communicating what it is I want to say because I just don’t know how to start.  So, I’m going to galliantly toss powder in the air: I go back to my part-time, temporary job Monday morning.

I smell your confusion.  Like a dog senses fear. 

Why in the world would this be a cause for concern?   Why would I be panicked about a place to go, coworkers and, above all….a pay check.  One word:  balance.

The last few weeks I was not needed at my part-time, temporary job.  Faced with a lot of day time, I had to get industrious.  So I waded knee deep into volunteerism and blogging.   (It is a critical component of indefinte unemployment to stay positive and keep forward momentum.) And I am loving it!  I have the energy to work out and the patience to try to cook new things, time to read lots of things and listen to tunes…I don’t even think I want a job!  I hope I’m unemployed for the rest of my life!  (Imagine me throwing my arms up in glee and my Dad and Joe having a conniption.)

Now let’s all take a deep breath.  (Something that falls by the wayside during a stir.)

I do want a job.  I want to support myself in the way that a stable job allows, but I don’t want to have it at the expense of all this eagerness I’ve uncovered in my life.  I’m scared of possibly having to work 12  hour days again, leaving me drained.  I’m afraid of possibly needing new knowledge and not having the tools to gather the information.  Then, what if I get the information and don’t have time to process it before I have to use it?    And all of those fears, they are only the work-related ones.  What about the other ones?  What about not having time to write, go for a walk, do yoga, fry chicken, or watch Lost?  And then in that vacuum of work, what if I start misdirecting frustration on to others?

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1 Comment

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One response to “Stirring

  1. jess G

    I suggest teaching… I ALWAYS have time to do what I want! Have you thought about being a professor? Then you can read and write all day! Not that there is anything wrong with your current situation… 🙂 BTW, I am addicted to LOST too! Don’t you think that when the show is over, they should make the script into a book?!

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