If It Isn’t A Song, It Should Be

In the past year I’ve had four home bases in three states as well as an equal number of unemployment stints and short term jobs. It is from this place of cardboard boxes, cross country drives, and storage facilities that I write. Because more than anything I need a little transition therapy. (If that isn’t a song, it should be.)
I want to floss out the yearning buried underneath the desire to go West, further West, then to return East. I want to do this because I want to know if there is something going on at the root of all these changes.  And if so, does arriving at that place create a space of freedom? Maybe it happens that I never stop making big changes because they are my North Star. Or maybe I come to realize that the changes are grandiose actions that only overshadow a more subtle and delicate desire.
Maybe this (blogging) will help that (the unfurling). How cool would that be? Or maybe it’s just me and my contradictions and I’ll spend the rest of my life needing some Transition Therapy. And I’d be ok with that too.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “If It Isn’t A Song, It Should Be

  1. Brandi Travis

    I’ve noticed more and more that I seem to surround myself with like-minded people – indecisive (sort of), yearning, adventurous, open-minded, people. I keep hearing the same questions, the same uncertainties. And now, in a huge transition of my own, and on the eighth month of unemployment, I still have no idea what the plan is. And no one seems to have the answer for me… imagine that. During my eight months in London I have spent endless hours searching for a job, volunteered full-time and am now toying with the idea of starting my own PR agency. But the thing is: I don’t even know if I like PR. I don’t even know if I will be here in three months, a year or ten years. So, do I throw in the towel, go home and look for a more sensible job where I have the comfort of the sturdy support system, or do I continue on this journey of looking for “something”? I don’t know. And what am I looking for? Like I said, I don’t even know if I like my career path. Actually, if I had the chance to do anything I wanted, I don’t know what that would be besides moving around aimlessly.

  2. emcritt

    Hey Brandi, Thanks for your candor. What you say really resonates with me; I ask those same types of questions and, frustratingly, don’t really have a good answer. I’ve recognized that my response is to create a really o.d.d. benchmark and reward system for myself. In it’s current form, it sounds like this: if I make it to (insert random date) and I don’t have a “real” job here, then I am going to work on a ranch in Wyoming. (Disregard that I have no dude ranching experience.) It’s as though I think that if I make it to this arbitrary month and date then I will have accomplished “something” that will allow me to move to “the next stage.” Because the novelty of “this stage” is wearing off. (Those phrases are in quotations because I don’t have clear definitions attached to them.) But the truth is when I set that date, I create a reverie where I can move into planning and imagining mode….which doesn’t feel real to me right now. So I guess you can say I’ve decided to stay put and stick “it” out, but I don’t really know what that means either.

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